'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
