Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
