"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
