Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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