Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
