you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
