His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
