can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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