pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
