dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
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There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
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It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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