My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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