i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
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and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
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I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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