I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
