You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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