Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Randomize
