and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
