Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
