smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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