Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
