tell your sister to shave her snatch
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
