Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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