Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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