Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize