The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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