If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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