people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
