sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
