I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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