wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
