I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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