Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
how does that bad decision feel?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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