how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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