Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
