please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
