Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
