Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
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