how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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