I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
