i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
