We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Randomize
