The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You're like the curious george of whores
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
