I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
