batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
