It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
