C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
