Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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