just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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