I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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