watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
