i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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