Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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