I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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