i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
