I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
