You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
