If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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