dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
