I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
