Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
