he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
