i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Small penises have feelings too.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
God I need to hump something, right now.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
