He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
