That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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