he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
