Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
