Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
