I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
