i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
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We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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