Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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